Prayers for Larzy

Dear Channel,

I can’t believe I’m going to do this — can I even still channel? — but I am going to tell you my prayers and hear what you have to say. This feels weird, I might add, but here goes.

On the eve of my 60th birthday, I feel like I’ve really cheated myself at my life. More than 1/2 my life has been lost to addiction — I lost my PhDs, career, relationships, finances, youth, cars, etc — and feel so sorry for myself somedays I can’t see straight. Now, my best friend from college’s husband just died — on the eve of their relationship — and I have a family member who is really sick & facing a life threatening illness and I’m scared; for them and for me. I feel like I need to get moving, maybe Portland, and try to live what little life I have left. I feel confused and lost and I need guidance.

Yes, I’ve realized I used to ask questions of you before but now re-reading my channels of 10 years ago I realize what a treasure trove that was and I’m getting a lot from studying my own (is it mine?) writing. Is it wrong to ask or pray in this way?

Thank you, Larz.

Jesus said, in response to a query from a fruit grower, that if a tree in the orchard does not bear fruit, chop it down and plant one that does. Should not this channel be of use? Of value? “Why channel,” we once said, “if it is a waste of time?” Why blog if we feel we are wasting people’s time?

And can you still channel? Just now, within a few seconds of starting, that strange feeling of tiredness is washing over ourself. Yes, like riding a bicycle after many years of not, the process feels shaky. We can hear our ego listening in, interfering with the process, but we need to let go and trust that instincts will take over. Channeling is as natural as having a conversation with a trusted friend. The words flow out, the words flow in. One talks another listens. The other talks, the one listens. All conversations worth having are two-way conversations, not dull monologues or stilted and canned dialogues, but a natural , living and organic creation where both benefit and both gain. While we have a difficult time communicating the “what’s in it for us”, think of us a a natural protective and fundamental construct of the universe that is designed to provide all who ask answers. We are the psychic within the psychic, so to speak.

Specifically, and now we must ask the ego to let go, specifically we do have advice. As always the answers to the day are found in the the moments of the day. At each moment in time, the same force that is guiding these fingers in their trajectories to clickity clackity type are also guiding the electrons in their organic machinations and your mind into its changes. The answer to the day is found in living the day. No, if we were to assume that random motion is the pathway to success, then no guidance would be needed. In that sense then, listen to your inner voice more often. As with yesterday when we felt something amiss at work — our temper was flaring when one of our employees was being overwhelmed by their moment at hand — that we could not have helped as we did had we allowed the moment to become marred by what — by our ego taking over control from a consciousness unwilling to do what it must will to do.

The so called “will time” letter — or blog that was just created is mostly an artifact of a ego being asked to explain why the organism has not chosen to do what it has chosen to do. Give us a moment.

Refocusing on yesterday’s event, the issue was that we knew what we needed to do — we needed to let go of our irritation and frustration, to take a deep breath, put on a positive demeanor, and check our tone just like we were asked to do in the previous week’s missive from management that if not heeded would lead to unfortunate and unnecessary corrective action. We act like children sometimes on the playground of life looking up to see if anyone is watching after a childish fall and if so, proceed to cry with great histrionics and if unseen, run about our busyness joining the throng of other children playing. No, we do not need to ask others, including this channel, what to do when we know what we need to do.

Move to Portland? We know. If that is what we want to do, or need to do, then we need ask no one. We merely gather up our belongings, pack our bags, and head west young man. If instead we are bored and dissatisfied, moving to Portland, or asking George what we should do, will solve nothing. Only we live our own lives and only we know what we need to do.

The advice, if not clear then, is ask for help when it is truly needed and pray for what is truly unknown. The fate of our friend’s husband is sealed, but not the fate of our friend. We should pray for her — for a new life, for a new found happiness, for a retirement that is going to be very, very different from the one she imagined. Life is not something we can plan or hold onto. Life happens. We should pray for her. Same for our sister. Regardless of what we say or think or do, she is the one that has to live with whatever her upcoming medical challenges bring her. We should pray for her well being and her happiness and her needs, and worry less about what we need to do to be there for her or what we should say or what we should think. Again, the self becomes so focused on the self, that when thinking of others, we fail to realize we are thinking of ourself.

We suggest, therefore, we let go of our “What am I?” posturings and focus instead on “Who are everything but I”” which is a vastly larger and more worthy object of contemplation.

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