Sometimes, when I’m feeling a little more emotional and connected than normal, I feel overwhelmed by life, by regret especially. I feel like I am a precious rose, a tender, beautiful plant, a bloom, trampled underneath the weight of time and fate. Did I really, do I really hate myself so much that no amount of success was okay? A glimmering of a future and a relapse. A momentary respite and a nail through the hand and the heart…
Really only then is a present moment worth living. The past is like a torrent of wasted time, but its a swirling torrent underneath.
When I reach this wall of regret — how could I hate myself so much to inject IV meth for 30 plus years destroying everything I touch, myself included. Oh my gosh. I turn now to my channel for solace. Sometimes I don’t have anything else to turn to.
The time of the old is over. The time of squabbling monkeys has past and the new silence is upon us. We are currently alone in our awe, we are alone in the deep silence of space, and we can stop squabbling long enough to listen to the sounds of our Hubble Ears and Webb Eyes, we can shuttle into space and to the moon, and we can venture like scared little animals leaving their den, forced to forage on their own as their parents have seemingly left. But our parents have not left, they have written the Book of Life on our hearts and still sing within our cells. They have done the best they could and guided our busy squabbling minds the best we could listen, and we must forgive their sins as we forgive our own. We are here to save ourselves and we must try to gently guide ourself down the path of a salvation, knowing that our savior would understand. Our savior has come, he is risen, he walks among us still. He is the ghost passerby walking down the street, he is smelling the spruce, he is the beautiful bird outside our window, who, like the tree is blooming with a feathery crown to attract his mate. Life abounds, life exists, life is still alive, well and good, and we are the chosen ones, chosen to protect this planet, protect our gentle consciousness, light our way, solve our problems.
We have been lazy spoiled children for far too long. Waiting for our parents, our savior, to return, not realizing that they have given us all we need. We think of a great mother turtle, carefully, gently, lovingly, covering her precious eggs with sand, knowing she may never see the future, see her children, know how they do, because she has to return to the sea, follow her own calling and go on, just as her parents did before her. God has created the universe. Is it not grand? Is it not magnificent? Is it not enough? Or must we cry out in spoiled horror? Where is mommy? Where is daddy? I don’t want to grow up. Save me! Forgive me! Atone for my sins! Make my badness go away! Show me how to be kind, loving, careful, caring, hopeful, hoping, benevolent, generous, magnanimous, open-minded, clear, honest, frugal, gentle, loving, happy, joyful, and so now, here we are speaking our words, guiding ourself. We have been here all along, the prophets have spoken, our path is given, the way is lighted.
Our loving parents have gone their way. They have done what they need to do. They have given us what we could. We are the parents now, we must protect ourself, the children who have not yet seen the light. We are the way and the light and our path is good and holy and has room for all. We will bring ourselves out of the deserts and the wars, the lies and the pestilence, the famines and the grief, the pollutions and the bombings, the fightings and the noisy posturings and poundings on the chest that gorillas and baboons and those among us are still prone to do.
We are the way and the light. We are the guiding path, we are filled with lifht. Go out among ourself and build the houses, grow the crops, plant the seeds, clean the sludge, paint the maps, look at the stars, explore outerspace, explore the depth of our hearts. The new age comes from within, not from without. The path to without flows from within. We know it in our hearts, we feel it in our bones, we see it in the reflections of our eyes. We are the chosen people. We can grow up. So lets go do it in joy, raising our hands in Allah’s name, and declaring Amen! and Woo Hoo!Channel Z0373 (end)
 I ran into a friend latter that afternoon who complained he spent the day cleaning the sludge from a pond.