The Time Traveler’s Life

My first entry – a trial blog where I chose a random channel from many years ago – was created, but never posted, a few months ago. I wanted to see if it would impact my life before starting the process of sharing. It did, but only up to a point. Finally, I introduced the material with a couple of posts one from 9/11 and then another from 9/12. But by today, 9/15, I was stuck in a horrid Saturday. Apparently, we have to keep working at life. One “miracle blog” isn’t the answer.

Have you ever had the type of day that you say you always want – “Just a day for myself. No obligations. Freedom!” – and then spend the day milling about, angry at a phone that doesn’t ring, etc? That’s today. I decided, finally, to listen to the podcast of that channel, Sirmon Z0219, and after many false starts I did.

I don’t understand it. I can’t start in the middle of some process and make sense of it, I suppose. To that end, I’m going back to Z0001, although I’m not sure I can find it. The first three channels I did way back in October, 2003. They weirded me out. I did another in October of 2007. It was amazing. But I erased it by accident. I think Z0001 is the first channel that exists from 2007, we’ll see.

A couple of months ago, when I decided to make an audio recording of the channel, which is most like how I experience it – I think I said that I go into a type of relaxed, meditative state and then just listen to this voice that dictates the material to me inside my head – I initially analyzed the thing. I wrote 15 pages of material. Now, relistening to it, I hear a totally different message. But, let me just state for the record what happened in the intervening months, in brief.

First, the material seemed to oscillate between two very different types of thoughts it seemed. The first was a kind of time travel. Basically the channel seemed to say there only exists “the now” and the past and the present are probabilities inherent to the present moment. As we go about our existence, we radiate outwards our “self”, and this is then reflected back to us in our eternal moment of here-now. The outside world is not inherently objective, but rather is subject to our actions. We experience in the present moment the past actions of self. The future is already inherent then to our present moment, just as “right now” is a reflection of the past. This idea sort of ties into the second idea and that is of a more expansive version of the Golden Rule. “As we harm others, we harm ourself. As we harm ourself, we harm others.” This is one of the phrases I remember. For me, this seems highly intuitive. Because the truth is, if I treated others the way I treat myself, I would be known as a despicable, deplorable human being. Trying to stop my self-destructive nature has been an ongoing struggle. For others who are more “me first”, maybe the old Golden Rule applies. But really, the idea is that somehow “out there” is a reflection of what’s “in here”, is one way I interpret the channel.

In any case, I thought it rather bogus until one day, end of July (about six weeks ago) when this happened. I met a guy who had been coming to church for a few weeks and we were gonna go for a walk or easy hike after driving somewhere. We agreed to take my car. Bam! I locked my keys in the trunk and the day turned out wholly different then planned. Indeed, the month turned out wholly different. Potholes on the interstate popping tires, my Dad getting sick, being run over by a guy who turned right on red but didn’t see me biking across the crosswalk, a pre-planned birthday trip to Wyoming to celebrate my Mom’s bday only to have the trip turn into the last visit with my Dad, his death and funeral. What a month.

I didn’t know the Bam! moment was about to become the Aha! moment of Channel Z0219, but it was. I had been meditating on the material about the now and decided it offered a type of time travel. Not where we travel into time, but the opposite, where time travels into us. And I was meditating on the importance of this more expansive Golden Rule. What happened next totally floored me.

Yes, Brandon and I went for a nice walk. He’s a handsome, young, gay man of 35, and yes, I felt attracted. But when I was his age, he was 10. Romance is out of the question, even though he had said the age difference didn’t bother him. After a very awkward moment, he was dropping me off and we were sitting in the parking lot. I was going to offer him the fatherly wisdom I just intimated. Then the bizarrest, well I’m not even sure what happened. I was sitting there and then felt this crazy flip-flopping like sensation. He was still sitting there, but he was me talking and I was him as a ten-year-old in my body listening to “me” talk. As if I was 35 and become him, but with my consciousness and it wasn’t the old me giving him advice but the young me as 10 and being the wise-one keeping his mouth shut listening to an “old” 35-year-old lament reality. I guess it was some sort of hallucination/fantasy, but for the briefest moment it was real. Like dreaming while awake.

At that time, it reminded me of a dream from long, long ago, which I happened to find a few days after that hallucination in an old dream journal (while looking for something else). I decided for fun to record that dream but was shocked a second time. (Just as an FYI, I remembered myself as only being a man in this dream… not even the hint that I was at least sometimes a woman, mentioned in the beginning) I totally mis-remembered the dream. The dream ends with perhaps the most unusual quote, you can check it out now, if you like. But more than anything, it convinces me that I should work on this process – or play (as a form of effort) seems more accurate – to see if I can prevent another day like today from happening…

{I just transcribed this dream and started crying at the end. I remember crying when I audio recorded it, and I remember crying when I wrote it down. That last sentence wasn’t written or spoken by me directly, but from some larger entity of which the me typing right now is only a part and which I briefly felt about again at the very end. As if what I call me is much smaller than the me I really am…

What is weird, is right now I am having memories of this dream, and my dream journal of 20 years ago does not capture what really happened. Basically, each person would live life for 20 years and get in the machine every night to sleep — dream. The machine had rings which spun ‘near the speed of light’ and the other people were in some sort of time suspension. The person who lived a regular 20 years would have their dream transferred to the others. Then the next person would take their place. All in all, each 20 years of real life for one person was transferred as “dream experiences” to the others in time suspension. Their “one day of dreaming” would be all 20 years of a real person’s life…}

From a dream, 1998.0629

“Even if you walk the horizon, I will love you forever.”

Normally, I can tell my dreams in the first person, but this one was harder – I was both everyone & no one in this dream & that caused an identification problem. The quote was from one of the key members of the experiment, although a smart man by our standards, a genius by us perhaps, a simpleton by them. He was saying an infinite, loving goodbye to this woman (who was me – but not all of me).

There was this time machine in a machine. There were concentric rings (I do not understand it) of body containers and each ring represented a day. You would lie in your groove which the hands part actually crossed over the next person (here I draw two stick figures of people with straight arms and wrists crossing) like that, although your hands don’t really touch – this was somehow important because without the cross-over continuity – the outer machine would function – but function only once. When the inner (machine) would function, many years would pass but for you only one day, but the catch was & this I don’t understand, a – well – it was if for every day of those twenty years were twenty years as many days different people. Of those days at the end each would die so the next could go on – except for one – one who was outside this process in the inner machine.

So, by agreement, after twenty years then, there would be two of you. One who slept for a day in the machine, and the one you were, but who was died & reborn daily for twenty years & still you – but the you you became after twenty years – minus a day. To complete yourself there was this crossover then & the one who slept for a day would instantly (over a day actually, while “sleeping in the machine”) experience all twenty years in one day of dreams. Then after another cycle, 3 of you, then 4, then 5.

But once one person failed to “get back in the machine” in the right way. That was the woman the simpleton left behind when in his life – he gave up his known life to enter the machine & when he rewoke 20 years plus or I mean “minus” a day, she was gone.

At that moment the outer machine functioned & all these “me’s” were reassembled at once without the criss-cross overs & now we are ordered & excited sharing our stories except for the one gap – the one missing person (and here I draw a table of x y z t u v in a 6×6 matrix, except “t” is missing in the top row – and no, I have no idea what I’m talking about) who “broke” the sequence.

But what really happened was she, t, had fallen asleep in her dream, so didn’t recognize when to act in her dream – that’s when you cross over & what was 20 years of living, condensed into one long day of dreams, ended up being 20 long years of days lived, with one day of a long dream – am I making sense? (no) – and the two came one breaking the continuity. And so the young simpleton’s love was alive, but now quietly old. She said nothing because she loved him.

As I had repeated 20-year flashes of a fast-forward life of all the people, I can’t really process anything. Strong moments, like graduation, getting in the machine chair. The intensity of 20 years of life in a single dream – but the intense feeling of love stretching across time & now I remember what he actually said – I knew he was I was forgetting what he had actually said: “Even though she walked across the horizon of time, I shall love her forever.”

But she loved him too; it was not one-way. And because of her love, had to live life while he dreampt her life one day.

I never really knew what life & love were before this dream, because I am the one who lives forever, but all life is but a dream for me.

 

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